So, yesterday morning I booked an emergency appointment to see the naturopath, because even though I am on the Candida Diet, and taking yeast killers, and doing a total detox at the same time, my skin is freaking out and I itch everywhere.

So. While I was there, not only did I get some homeopathic histamine, I also got a lipotropic complex to help out on the cleanse. AND, the most amazing thing of all, was introduction to a fabulous weight loss program.

The program is called hCG weight loss therapy. It’s based on the idea that the extra pounds are not necessarily due to eating badly or not exercising, but due to the metabolism being out of whack. The fat cells then store up mainly due to stress, and then they also store hormones, which can get you further out of whack. And this is the weight that just doesn’t go away no matter what you do. The belly especially carries most of this weight.

So, you get a daily injection and/or nasal spray that will cause your body to burn fat, about 1200-2000 calories per day, and you eat 500 in food. You don’t get hungry, because your body is using the “food” part of those fat cells, and you’re flushing everything else out of your system. FREAKING AWESOME. This program is recommended for people who have no explanation for weight gain, or despite diet and exercise, maintain the same weight and/or continue to gain. I will update on how this turns out, but I’m REALLY excited about it. The cost is very reasonable as well.

I love going to see the Naturopath. I have nothing against Western medicine, but I can honestly say that the have done more for me in 4 visits than regular doctors have done for me in 10 years. If you have any persistent problems with health, even if they are subtle, I highly recommend a visit to one! Now THAT’S something I wish health insurance would pay for. They get results!

It used to be that if the doctor didn’t cure you, or improve you, they didn’t get paid, but was in the old days.

I am a total caveperson in the morning. I can’t even say cavewoman, because I don’t resemble anything female while stumbling around.

My body is paralyzed while 3 different alarm clocks clang and beep around me. My husband pats and shakes and encourages me to get out of bed, and when that doesn’t work, he tries to annoy me out of bed. But I am still paralyzed. In various positions of half sitting, slouching, and finally sitting, my feet hit the floor to navigate the area which is roughly known as the bedroom floor. The cats scamper away, and then mew at me pitifully, wanting my immediate attention on their food and water dishes, but I’m still trying to cope with seeing the back of my eyeballs.

Swaying and stumbling like a champion drunk, although I have no such excuse, I make it to the bathroom. My reflection in the mirror looks as exhausted as I feel. I look like I could breathe on you and kill you with my breath, which is probably, in fact, the case. If anything got in my way to annoy me any further at this moment, I would probably go for the kill, but on account of my still slow moving form, you would probably get away.

Toilet. Shower. Teeth. My reflection still looks like a weary traveller, except now I have wet hair.

I move on to the task of finding suitable garments to wear to work, reflecting that I should have done more laundry again. I find something, check to make sure its not backwards, and that my shoes match, and then after apologizing to my husband for being a total pain in the ass, I leave.

I turn on the car. I back out the driveway. I turn around. I have forgotten my nicotine patch.

“She’s addicted to nicotine patches.”-Tori Amos

It is true, I am.

I give my husband another kiss. I get back in the car. I note that the neighbors have thrown away more furniture, and wonder blearily how much they actually have in that house.  They are always throwing away furniture.

I make it to work, and as I park the car, I thank the guardian angels with Nikes who are running alongside my car, protecting other people from me, as I’m not as alert as I could or should be.

For at leat the next hour at work, I attempt to focus, keep my eyes open, and act like I’m awake, like my coworkers seem to be. This is extremely difficult. Their voices sound far away, I feel disconnected, and I’m acutely aware that while they have been up since 6am, and had their coffee and a delicious breakfast, I have not had any coffee or breakfast. I slink away to my office to make coffee. Breakfast is a more complicated series of actions that requires my attention, such as making sure the spoon/fork is heading for my mouth, not dropping whatever in my lap, and still-keeping my eyes open.

I am writing this to stay awake-an attempt to get my brain moving. I’m not sure it’s helping.

Foamy the Squirrel has a perfectly indecent rant about mornings. I agree with him completely.

For anyone who is following the rant I’ve had going on healthcare, please refer to “The Truth”, where an awesome reader sent in some great counterarguments, and I responded to them. I welcome comments, arguments, and feedback, so long as they are relatively polite.

Hmmm…updates on the fabulous….Better Off Ted is the best thing I’ve seen on TV since Arrested Development-the flow is similar. If you like that, or The Office, you will nearly wet your pants. It is glorious. If I haven’t plugged Charlaine Harris and the “Sookie Books”, those are a great read. Her other books are also good too, at least the ones I’ve read, in the Grave series. If you’re looking for a fantastic Detox, visit Dr. Natura’s website. I can honestly say these products work and they work beautifully, with no negative side effects I’ve been able to note. A great book I picked up on the cheap is Eats, Shites, and Leaves: Crap English and How to Use It. Ladies: if you are in need of great blush that matches no matter what, visit your Sephora counter or go online and order some NARS Orgasm blush. That one is universally awesome. They also have other great colors to go with any skin tone. (I don’t get paid for any of these plugs, I’m just telling you what’s awesome.) Cheryl Mosely’s Eye of the World is awesome and amazing-I highly recommend checking out her pictures, her story, whatever you can find. If you have problems, let me know. She is a wonderful and unique RN who went traveling the world, worked with Mother Teresa, and I believe her next exhibition will be in New York.

Spring has come early here, which I’m intensely grateful for, as sometimes we don’t see green on trees until June. But they’re getting green already, and I am basking in the longer days, and can’t wait to start planting a garden. I still can’t do much with the inside of the house, so I’m going to nest in the yard. That sounds weird….like I’m a bird or something. But when I have the yard done, I won’t have to worry about letting the cats go outside, and then I won’t have to worry about a puppy so much either. I like puppies. I want a puppy. Therefore, I shall have a puppy as soon as possible.

Spring also means I will venture outside again. Sweet Donnie got us a pretty awesome new camera, so we’ll get to go on walkabout and take pictures.

I finally freaked out and bought a new ipod. I’m SO pissed that my other one went missing. I was really careful with that, it was a gift from Sweet Donnie, but someone at work either jacked it when I wasn’t looking, or I truly did something stupid, like let it fall out of my purse into snow. Either way, I’ve been searching for months, and just can’t find it. Not a cheap mistake to swallow, but worth it to have my tunes back in an accessible format.

This hasn’t been a kind month really….Sweet Donnie’s grandma passed away, we both got sick, and work has been overwhelming. On the upside, we both have lots of work to do, private practice is about 2 weeks away from officially launching, and I am happy playing Final Fantasy XIII, but I do not think it rocks like other FF have. I have been waiting throughout the game for things to get awesome, and for some things to start making some sense, and after buying the strategy guide, I’ve found I’m almost DONE with the silly thing, and the fun stuff, like sidequests and awesome leveling and weapons come AFTER I’ve killed the big guy. All I can say is that I think Square Enix must have come under new management-and BOO to the management! It’s acceptable, but could have been so much more, especially with the PS3 platform.

Sometimes I like it that I have to be a total grownup, and other times I like it that I can still act like a kid, and do things like sleep in, play video games, and not worry too much about the dishes in the sink.

And I love Wendy and Mike, and they are still having a BABY. AWESOME!!!!

Thanks to everyone who participated in helping Kristi out. It was a time-limited jetpack operation-so, although I think she got more votes overall, she lost to the cloggers. However, cloggers are not really marketable talent, so she got second, made some great contacts, and I think she and Aric booked some studio time with various people. So everyone was happy with that.

I am going to go Easter Egg Dyeing with Wendy and her family. I love that!

So, I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, eats good food, and focuses on the positive, the sacred, the cherished,  and is well-rested.

Donnie’s birthday is next week! So is Judith’s.

Also, Judith is getting married! YAY! Congratulations to JUDITH! She is getting married on the same day Donnie and I did last year, so that will be a neat anniversary. =) I am verrrry happy for her. Her ex-husband is cheating pond scum, and she deserves someone who will treat her right!

To be able to vote via text message, text STAR to 94253. You will get a reply text asking you to join the group. Text back Y.  To vote for Kristi, text star2 to 94253!

Kristi’s event will be taking place between 7-9 pm MST in Fort Collins, Colorado. I will keep you informed as to the text number. Thank you! To my international readers, you can try, but I don’t know if it will work or not.

Hi World! My sister was selected as a finalist for a pre-pilot TV show called America’s Next Greatest Talent. You initially get chosen by the judges, and after that, the next two rounds are by audience popularity only. She’s up against an English girl who plays her own folk music, 12 cloggers, and then herself, with music she has written and produced herself, and won a John Lennon Songwriting Award for, as well as a Billboard Award.

So. Here’s what I’m asking of you. Since this is not a live TV broadcast, only the members of the audience, or people who have been informed about it are eligible to text in their vote for their favorite. This is, of course, how the show plans to make their money, by having phone companies sponsor it. So, as soon as the number to text in for your favorite becomes available, I will post it here, and I will also try and post it on FaceBook ASAP.

The producers of the show have stated that the most talented does not always win, it’s the person who gets the most texts-SO, imagine a wildest woman on the bar contest, and imagine all her friends are in the audience. She’s going to win, even if she’s not the best crazy drunk dancer.

But Kristi is not a crazy drunk dancer, or from England, and she does not clog. She is beautiful and talented, so, please check this blog for an update late this afternoon, or early this evening. I will try to get an almost exact time for you to check.

When you get the number, you must text it TEN TIMES. If you do not have unlimited texts and you’re going to get charged a bundle, don’t do it.

Thanking you in advance for helping out De Sesstor. Go see her website for more about her-there’s a link on the right side of the page.