Metaphorical Gunpowder
August 1st, 2008I’m turning 30 next week. There are some moments where that seems like a big deal, and others where it seems ridiculous and arbitrary, just a number. I’m leaning toward it being a ridiculous and arbitrary number, rather than something that has any real significance other than what society puts on it. I think for women it’s seen as a big deal simply because there are a smaller number of years where they can bear children, but that number is always going down once puberty starts. But I’m still glad that people say how young I look.
Donnie and are are going on a little adventure this weekend, and that makes me extremely happy. I’ve been in a little bit of a funk since coming back from Fort Collins.
My experiment in ignoring the family drama this week has been a success. Now all I have to do it charge it with lightning during the next storm, and it will be ALIVE! ALIVE I SAY!
I’m planning on asking for a large raise this month. I haven’t had one since I’ve been here, and frankly, I feel entitled, yes, entitled to make more than I do. I’m worth it. I have another co-worker who has probably had a raise of around 20% in the last year, so I’ll start by asking for that. The worst they can say is no.
I notice these days that a random word or topic comes up in my life, and floats around for the next 24-48 hours until another one comes along. Right now, the word/topic is “Gunpowder”. Donnie showed me a fabulous website he was working on yesterday promoting apparently kickass gunpowder. This morning, bright and early, the children were talking about gunpowder. So, there’s some weird synchronicity. Whatever it is, it’s fun to play with mentally. I shall be thinking about metaphorical gunpowder today and what I can use it on. Any suggestions?
Hi Seestor!
Be prepared, this is going to be a book.
Do salve your mind with the certainty that you do NOT look 30. I don’t know how old you look, but I suppose you look to be about my age…well done.
Thirty, shmirty. It is just a number. In eternal years, you’re older than most! Be glad its ONLY 30 in this life, and not 30 BILLION!
I think the thing that creates that. ‘oh goodness, what does it MEAN’ feeling about significant birthdays is that its a time marker. Simply put, we can’t help but analyze our lives and wonder, “Am I where I thought I would be? Should be? Could be?…by this point?” I want you to know that that doesn’t have to be a scary question-in fact I shall answer them for you in ‘validation stew’ style!
“Am I where I thought I would be?” Depends on the ‘where.’ Spiritually and emotionally I know you are FARTHER (further-which is grammatically correct?) than you thought you would be because you are beyond what you could’ve imagined while growing up. The secrets of the universe have been and are unfolding to you!
“Am I where I should be?” Define Adult. Adult: potty trained, often self fending (feeds, clothes, and acts for) oneself, still alive after 18. Yep, you fit that bill.
But true maturity is defined by some in other ways. Here is how I define it: Are you able to be the same version of yourself you were when you showed up on the planet only enhanced with intelligence and wisdom? Hell yes! I am pleased to pronounce you have been ‘preserved’ as the original Kelly soul you were when you got here, only now you have more information.
I define “Am I where I should be” by “Am I still here?” Yep, sure are.
Plus you have lots of degrees, and you hold a job and mucho responsibility. Nevermind the parts that you haven’t figured out that ‘mature people’ know how to deal with. Our parents can’t. Celebrities can’t. At least you TRY!
Am I where I could be: Ahh, this one gets me. As the enduring over-achieving nature we both inherited swirls around in my head like a never solidified ghost, I say yes. You are exactly where you could be because you here. I have no doubt that you have been putting your energy into the things that mattered the most to you in the moments they mattered for the 12 years since reaching legal ‘adulthood.’ I know how much of an achiever you are and how hard you work. I have no doubt that where you are in your life and who you are in your life are PERFECT.
As long as you continually have it as a desire to be better, you will always in every second become better than you were in the last. Thanks for not smoking by the way. No small task, and you’re doing it, why? Cause you’re a responsible adult/child that takes care of herself so she has the capacity to take care of others.
Congrats-you’re a person! Yay!
Sorry so long. and a bit rambling.
I hope your adventure is fun and I hope your present arrives before you leave! Yay!
Kristi
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